Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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