Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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