Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
