we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
