okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I could fuck to npr.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
