i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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