Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
