If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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