my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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