just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
