He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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