What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
