I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
