My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
