dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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