another moral hangover. fuck.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
