I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
