I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
