I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
