If that was your dad, he is hot
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
