peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
