Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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