I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
