So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
