I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
