Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
