im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
