I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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