K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
