i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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