Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
