thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
