My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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