Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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