I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Mom said you looked used
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
