Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
