My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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