Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
