shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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