So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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