yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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