my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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