I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
