There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
