WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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