Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
