I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
