break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
