Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This toilet bowl is my home.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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