i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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