I bet he comes in French.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
