Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
