I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
