OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
