Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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