cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
