What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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