Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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