I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
