This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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