So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
