I wish I could punch you in the face.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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