theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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