if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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